The Power of Presence: Embracing Silence to Deepen Connection

I am currently reading "Inner Engineering: A Yogi's Guide to Joy" by Sadhguru, a Hindu yogi and founder of the Isha Foundation. This insightful book offers practical wisdom for achieving well-being through yoga. With wisdom and humor, Sadhguru shares practices that can deepen our connection with ourselves and the world.

Throughout the book, Sadhguru introduces various sadhanas (daily spiritual practices) that enhance our inner experience. One such practice involves exploring the nature of love: 

"Love is never between two people. It is what happens within you, and your interiority need not be enslaved to someone or something else. Try this for fifteen minutes or so: go sit with something that means nothing to you right now—maybe a tree, a pebble, a worm, or an insect. Do it a few days in a row. After a while, you will find you can look upon it with as much love as you do your wife or husband or mother or child. Maybe the worm does not know this. That doesn't matter. If you can look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience."

This teaching from Sadhguru resonates deeply with a personal experience I had recently. It often feels like we're in a perpetual race to get things done, with our definitions of help focusing on external problem-solving. While this is certainly part of what our experiences require, this approach can sometimes backfire, leading to less effective solutions or minimal impact on the situation. Slowing down and gently considering whether the moment calls for action, advice, or simply being present in silence might offer a more meaningful response.

Back in March, I found myself in a life-changing liminal space when my 94-year-old father-in-law fell abruptly and spent a night alone on the floor. My husband rushed to his side as he was taken to the emergency room. I was ready to offer support, but my husband asked me to stay behind. Initially, my mind was like a hamster on a wheel, trying to figure out my role. It turned out that my role was to stay put. No "all hands on deck" situation here.

At first, my mind was flooded with worst-case scenarios, envisioning my husband and father-in-law alone, stressed, and helpless in a chaotic hospital. My nervous system was in overdrive, trapped in an unending loop of worry. As days turned into weeks, our lives became entwined in a web of phone calls. Amidst the updates and anxieties, moments of intentional silence began to emerge like unexpected plot twists. These pauses, filled with unspoken words, held a unique poignancy—a silent communion that transcended language, much like an inside joke only you and your best friend understand.

I became fascinated by the power of these intentional breaks from talking and solving problems. I imagined him and sent him love, focusing on him without jumping in to give advice. Over those weeks, I wrestled with the urge to add value or clarify things to manage the chaos. Yet, the power of intentional silence and presence revealed itself, offering insights into being with another in a way that fosters connection and love without turning into a control freak.

One phone call truly captured this insight. For fifteen minutes, we breathed together - our breaths in sync. The magical part was that we both intuitively knew we needed to embrace the silence without ever declaring it. As the call ended, he simply said, "Thank you," and I replied, "Thank you." In that expansive silence, our connection grew deeper, revealing that sometimes the most profound bonds are forged not through words but through the serene, expansive spaces between them.

We are born storytellers, but there's also a profound magic in simply being with another. Discerning when to let our voices be heard and when to honor the silence creates opportunities to truly feel, sense, and connect. Our "feeling muscles"—the ability to deeply tune into another's presence—unlock a different kind of conversation. 

When we embrace the sacred space of intentional silence, we uncover yet another layer, a different kind of richness -  a connection that transcends words and reveals the essence of our relationships. I encourage everyone to experiment with moments where intentional silence becomes the canvas for deep love and understanding without words. It might just be the best unscripted plot twist of your day.